Oh I wish I were a little hunk of mud,
Oh I wish I were a little hunk of mud,
I'd oey and I'd gooey under everybody's shoey,
Oh I wish I were a little hunk of mud.

Oh I wish I were a little slice of orange,
Oh I wish I were a little slice of orange,
I'd go squirty, squirty, squirty, over everybody's shirty,
Oh I wish I were a little slice of orange.

Oh I wish I were a little onion,
Oh I wish I were a little onion,
I'd yelly and i'd yummy inside everybody's tummy,
Oh I wish I were a little onion.

Oh I wish I were a little mosquito,
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito,
I'd nippy and I'd bitey inside everybody's nitey,
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito.

Oh I wish I were a little turtle dove,
Oh I wish I were a little turtle dove,
I'd sit upon the steeple and laugh at all the people,
Oh I wish I were a little turtle dove.

Oh I wish I were a little Cub Scout,
Oh I wish I were a little Cub Scout,
I'd TRAMP, TRAMP, TRAMP ON THE GIRL SCOUTS' CAMP,
Oh I wish I were a little Cub Scout.

Oh I wish I were a little can of pop,
Oh I wish I were a little can of pop,
I'd go down with slurp,
And come up with a burp,
Oh I wish I were a little can of pop.

Oh I wish I were a little slippery root,
Oh I wish I were a little slippery root,
I'd sit upon the trail
And knock everyone on his tail,
Oh I wish I were a little slippery root.